He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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