Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
