My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
