i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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