we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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