My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
