Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
