my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
