I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
