My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
