3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
