hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
