my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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