Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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