you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
