I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
