my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
