No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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