Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
