I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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