new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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