gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
