I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
