You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
