I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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