1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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