I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
