She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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