Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My dick has a subreddit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
