Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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