Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
