All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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