and you said cock pushups were impossible
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
