I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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