somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
