Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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