He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the condom got lost in my hair
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
