Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
