drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
