Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
