god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
