I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
