I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
