just come out here and I will go home with you...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
