she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
