I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
