hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
