East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
