I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
