I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Is it because I queefed?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
