Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
