How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
